When worst nightmares come true

Clueless factor #2
Have you lived ur life based on fear? Its this unconscious addictment people begin to acquire...they start juggling between depression and stress...they walk the tight rope...ive been there and before i cud realise it,i was engulfed.it becomes a lifestyle...u automatically fear people leaving u or never understanding u.so to avoid the pain of a yet to be established relationship u desert it ...everyday u live of no thoughts of your own but on the recollections of the reproof people had given u the day before.....it is reproof as u deem it cuz it cud have been nothing more but a friendly tip of some sort.This sort of a life.... its more or less like an 8 yr old waiting for the closet monster to pop out any second to scare u.And y does any of thus seem to occur?

The hallucinations of an introvert

clueless factor#1
im totally being lost today absolutely no foresight on how to kill time y am i like this?  things i usually do are clouding up an aura of disgust over me.....y is dat? i guess this is wat being depressed means.i dont like the fact of being left out i hate that feeling of being alienated...standing out for all the wrong reasons....hmm true i really feel it....so i believe i want go on and stand up for my belief but my self scrutiny vapourizes my statements b4 it can reach the accused...if i dont belive in wat i think how can i convince the secondary person....im mostly stuck in a loophole of thoughts...but im progressing because im actually looking at the problem than being stuck in it...what kind of person am i??? someone said the answer to this question is to look outside rather than inside...to find where you truly stand is to commensurate with the ppl around you.y do i truly feel empty???.....is because at some fact im convinced that i dont fit in......i felt fear over emptiness..im secretly going to change because i want to...its all how i c it...its all how i predict it...its all how i manipulate it...